Do Men Who Philander Have Bigger Penises?

This is my tale, I like to philander,
When I talk to Amanda, I do it with candor.
On Friday it’s Sam, on Saturday Cassandra.
But now there’s a problem with my salamander.

I first felt the pain after I had Jane,
But I wasn’t quite sure, so I fucked her again.
I told her straight, ‘I’m getting get rid of ya.
Your blow job’s great, but you’ve given me chlamydia.’

‘I don’t have it,’she screamed. So maybe it was Susie?
Maybe Laura or Jean, or some other floozy?
Could it be Leigh? Poor old me!
There’s an unsightly rash, and it burns when I pee.

I went to the clinic, they gave me a swab,
And a female doctor inspected my knob.
With my balls in her hand, I felt like a stud.
‘I can’t tell what it is, we’ll have to take blood’

I felt no harm with my cock in her palm,
A needle in my arm, I tried to stay calm.
Despite the infection, I like her inspection,
The painful injection gives me an erection.

Time or place doesn’t matter, nor situation,
Any female touch is a heavenly sensation.
I could be getting stabbed with a knife, strangled with lanyard,
If my assailant is female, I’d still get hard.

‘I’m sorry doctor, forgive me please,
And if not would you mind getting down on your knees?
I know that I’m sick with a potential disease,
But I’m controlled by my dick, so don’t be a tease.

‘Put it away,’ she said. ‘And please get dressed,
I’ve got some news, and it’s not the best.’
Now I’m scared witless, down there I go limp,
I should have said no to that greasy pimp.

‘Give it to me straight doctor, what is wrong?
Is it gonnareah or syphillis infecting my schlong?’
She turned to me and replied, ‘You’ve got bugger all,
The problem you have is that you’re very small.’

‘When you put on a condom it just doesn’t fit,
And friction caused the rash on your oversized clit.
You do wear protection, for that you’re wise.
But you need to ask the chemist for micro size’

I pulled up my trousers, numb with shock.
I’d prefer a disease, not an undersized cock.
I go home deflated, in every sense of the word.
A small-dicked philanderer, the world’s just absurd.

47 years old and still learning. Taking one day at a time.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store